for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
