1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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