He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
