She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
vagina is talking i cant
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
