YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
