One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
