my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Someone shit on the floor
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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