onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
