i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
