I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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