i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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