How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
