I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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