Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
