Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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