Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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