Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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