What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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