My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
