I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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