at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You made out with two different species that night
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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