The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If I die, sorry about rent.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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