I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
