He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
