I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
