is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
