She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
