so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize
