My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Randomize
