So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
