just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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