I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize