help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
