My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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