I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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