just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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