so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
