Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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