Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
