Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Where is the hickey?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
