her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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