i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
