Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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