I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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