omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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