Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
