Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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