Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
