Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
