WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
