I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize