dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
