We're facebook friends in real life
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
