she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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