I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
