We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
