I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
