I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
