For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize