you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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