my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
