you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
