good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
