When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
