U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
