How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
