I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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