the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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