I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
