can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
