Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
