So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
