When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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