Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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