I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
