I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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