guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
