i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
